Lesson 1: Mushroom Head
by jack-adam
Summary: Finally, something more impossible than Akari beating Sai in a chess match. Akira tutoring Hikaru without the both of them getting them into a quarrel. Please read and review, humor included with slight AkiraHikaru.


This is my first Hikaru No Go story. Please be gentle. And read and review, of course. Thank you.

CHAPTER 1

Hikaru did not want to be here.

Akira didn't want to be here either.

The two of them just stared at the textbook before them on the table, expecting it to explode any moment. Although Hikaru didn't wish for his room to go up in flames, that would at least protect him from being taught by the person who was better than him in everything in the first place. And for Akira, well, let's just say he had better things to do.

" Let me get it straight," Hikaru said tensely. " You were sent here by my teacher."

" Correct." said Akira.

" Because she heard that we played Go often together."

" Correct." Akira said once again.

" So you're here to teach me until my grades get better."

" Correct once again, Holmes." Akira said.

" But I don't want you to teach me!"

" I'm not exactly thrilled either."

" WHY YOU? Why not Waya?"

" Waya has half the IQ of a third-grader."

" AND YOU?"

" I got thirteen in the country." he said matter-of-factly.

Hikaru opened and shut his mouth, before he hung his head.

" Alright, now that I have your attention." Akira snapped, grabbing the book forcefully and opened it. " I shall start with Science."

" Why Science?"

" I don't know." Akira said in a voice of forced-calm. " What would you rather study?"

" NOTHING!"

" That's out of the question. Now shut up, I've wasted enough time already."

" What were you planning of doing at home?" Hikaru muttered.

Akira flushed.

" Dumb ass."

" Wanker."

The two of them glared at each other for a solid three-minutes before Akira looked down at the book, flipping it open. He was breathing in and out slowly like parents in lamaze breathing, something that he only did when Hikaru was around him. " Alright." he said huffily. " What does effervescence mean?" he almost snapped out. It was unlikely for him to lose his temper so easily, but around Hikaru almost anything was possible. He watched Hikaru out of the corner of his eye, an unknown blush streaking across his cheeks as he watched Hikaru in deep thought.

There was a strange feeling watching Hikaru like that, it was almost like he was an actual intellectual, without any stupid comments or quips. . .

" Isn't that a singer?"

Okay, feeling's over.

" What?" Akira almost screamed.

" I heard from Waya," Hikaru said, flinching at the sight of Akira's bulging eyeballs. " That she was a rather popular singer in the. . ."

" Oh. My. God." Akira moaned out, tempted to grab the Goban and slam it on Hikaru's head.

" What?" Conan snapped. " Isn't it right?"

" No, you got it." Akira said sarcastically. " A model answer for the end of the year test."

Hikaru glared at him.

" Wanker."

" Dumb ass."

Akira took in another deep breath before looking at the book once more.

' Alright.' he though to himself. ' Maybe that question was just a minor setback. I would not judge Hikaru's intelligence on such an insignificant thing.'

" What's the first law of Forces?"

" Hold on, I know this one." Hikaru said, slapping his hands on his thighs.

" Go on then." Akira said patiently.

Hikaru pondered. As he thought, his eyes wandered over to Akira who was watching over his shoulder, and a blush spread across his face. He shuddered and shook himself.

" Er. . ." Hikaru started.

Silence.

" The first law is. . ."

Silence.

Akira blinked.

Hikaru thought.

Akira blinked.

Hikaru thought.

Akira stared at him with half-lidded eyes. " You don't know it, do you?"

" Can't say that I do."

Akira groaned so loud that the silhouette of Hikaru's mother outside of the room dropped the laundry in her hands. " What now?" Hikaru yelled.

" What is a pretty long word for a person of your brain status isn't it?" Akira yelled back, getting to his feet. " You could make Homer Simpson look like Einstein!"

" WHO THE HELL IS HOMER SIMPSON?"

" Somebody really stupid!"

" Oh yeah?"

" Yeah!"

" Wanker!"

" Dumb ass!"

Akira bit his lip, and took in a deep breath, and got ready to sit back down, abandoning the fight.

" It's not like YOU'RE perfect too, you know!" Hikaru continued, and Akira flinched.

" In what ways?" Akira asked.

" Your head for one!" Hikaru yelled. " A mushroom's on the phone! It wants its hair back!"

" MUSHROOMS DON'T HAVE HAIR!" Akira exploded. " That sentence clearly proved to me your level of intellect! NIL!"

" Your clothes are dorky too!" Hikaru yelled, choosing to ignore the previous comment. " It's year 2005, my friend, not the 70s!"

" What about my clothes, may I ask?" Akira yelled.

" You have worse dress sense than a mushroom with no eyesight!"

" MUSHROOMS DON'T HAVE EYES!" Akira yelled, slamming the book down. " It's not like you're ONLY stupid! What's with your hair? It's like you went to a saloon to dye it but changed your mind halfway!"

" You're also stuck up!" Hikaru shouted. " You're like a mushroom with. . ."

" Will you GET OFF the subject of mushrooms?"

" Touched a spot didn't I?" Hikaru said smugly. " Mushroom head!"

" You're an idiot, do you know that?" Akira cried out, waving his hands helplessly at Hikaru before him. " After all these years, the only thing that has changed about you is your brain! And that fact is that it is SLOWLY DECAYING!"

" Brains don't decay!" Hikaru snapped.

" Then what?" Akira grunted. " Malfunction?"

" You think you're so cool by using all your six-syllable words and mushroom style hair wax! But. . ."

" Would you STAY AWAY from the subject of mushrooms? And what the Hell is a SIX-SYLLABLE WORD?"

" Finally admitted you don't know something, right?" Hikaru said. " Said pretty please and I'll tell you."

" I'll rather ride on the back of a gay camel." Akira said. " Plus, you don't even know what a syllable is."

" I do TOO!"

" What is it then?" Akira said.

Silence.

" You see?" Akira yelled, proving his own point. " You couldn't even find out a word if you were looking in a dictionary!"

" And you're the smartest person alive?" Hikaru said briskly. " The top of the mountain? The tip of the peak? But then again, spores from the mushrooms. . ."

" Will you STOP referring me to a MUSHROOM?"

The two of them glared at each other, puffing for breath.

Hikaru opened his mouth to shout out another retort when he noticed Akira raise his hand, and he stopped.

" Sorry." Akira said. " I didn't mean it. I don't think you're stupid."

He swallowed.

" Sorry."

Hikaru opened and shut his mouth, before grinning.

" It's okay."

Silence.

Following by that was a rather awkward silence before they sat down again.

Akira opened the textbook once more.

" What's the chemical solution of sodium carbonate?" he asked, in a much more calm voice than before.

" Sodium adding. . .carbonate?"

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

" Dumb ass." Akira muttered.

" Wanker." Hikaru retorted.

END OF CHAPTER 1

I don't know if I should continue this. It seems pretty random to me, but if I get enough reviews, I'll post up chapter 2. Thanks in advance to those who will review me!


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